How Love Works
by phelipa
Summary: COMPLETE How does love work? Love is patient, Love is kind...can Bosco change who he is to help someone in need?
1. Leukemia

Ok Hey everyone this is my second fanfic I hope you like it

How Love Works

Chapter 1: Leukemia

She swallowed hard and could taste the blood in her mouth again. She quickly ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

"Damn it" she swore softly as she spit out a mouthful of blood.

She waited, bent over the toilet, until the blood stopped coming. She rinsed her mouth out and wiped her face roughly, swearing again. When was it going to end? She went back up to the office, the metallic taste still in her mouth.

As she walked in she saw Bosco staring at her, he didn't know, but he knew something was up. Tomorrow morning was her first dose of chemotherapy. She wished this had never happened, she wished she'd never gotten sick. At least if she had, she wished it had happened earlier, when she had someone like Bosco, Monroe or Lettie. Now, she had no one. Manny had promised that she wasn't alone out on the streets but what about after work. That's what she was afraid of, dying alone. She shook the thoughts out of her head and gathered up her things. Bosco walked over to her and gently placed his hand on her arm

"Hey, you ok?" Cruz nodded "Yeah, I'm fine" she tried to brush him off but he wouldn't go. "Cruz? You have blood on your lips" Bosco said gently, though the panic rose in his voice "What's going on" Cruz put a hand over her mouth "Nothing" she mumbled brushing past him.

She walked briskly back to the bathroom and wiped her mouth off again. _Damn, now Bosco knows something's up!_ She put her head in her hands _what am I going to do?_ She looked back up, double checked for any tell-tale marks then walked back out. Bosco was waiting for her "Look, Cruz I know that we haven't gotten along lately, but what's going on? You're really pale and now your mouth is bleeding?"

Cruz pushed him aside "Look, you don't care about me, if you did you never would have done the things you did. You just want to know what's going on, well you know what? Screw you!"

Bosco backed away,stung. "Look, Cruz, I just want to help" Cruz nearly melted then and there "Why Bosco? You never wanted to help before" He nodded "I know…Cruz a letter arrived for you today, from the Cancer Society of America. When I was at the desk mail came in and it was on top" Panic wrenched Cruz's stomach "Who else saw?" "No one, I put it in my jacket, I figured you wouldn't want anyone to see it. Cruz, what's going on?" She closed her eyes and finally gave in "Come up to the office" He followed her to the office and she shut the door behind them "I have Leukemia"

Bosco just gaped "No, not you, you don't" Cruz nodded, tears pricking the back of her eyes "I do" Bosco wanted to hit something, she couldn't have cancer, she had no one to help her, to be with her. "I will" he murmured. Cruz looked up "What?" "I want to be there with you, I don't want you to be alone" Cruz nearly fainted with relief "Bosco?" He nodded "I don't know, I don't want anyone to see me, I'll lose my hair or be bent over the toilet throwing up, I don't want you to see me looking weak" "Weak? Cruz, this will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life and you're worried about looking weak? Cruz you aren't weak" Cruz nodded slowly "My appointment is tomorrow at ten, it's my first dose of chemo" "I'll be there" Bosco said. A lone tear slipped down Cruz's cheek. "Thank you"

That morning as soon as she sat up Cruz's gums started to bleed again. She grabbed the Kleenex beside her bed and tried to soak up the blood. Her legs shook and she felt cold, she had never felt sick before and she assumed this was because she had lost blood. She waited until she stopped bleeding then got up. She pulled on her NYPD sweater and jogging pants, she wanted to be as comfortable as possible. Bosco came to get her at 9:30 and she nervously grabbed her overnight bag and got in the car.

Bosco glanced at her "You ok?" She nodded, not saying anything. When they got to the hospital they sat down in the waiting room. Cruz nearly broke down in tears.

A young mother, not more than 25 sat with her two children in her lap. One looked about two and the other was just a baby. The mother had no hair and an anxious looking man stood over the three of them with inexpressible love on his face. The mother was gently singing to her two year old. Cruz choked back a sob and Bosco glanced over to see what she was looking at.

He put his arm around her and held her tightly "It's ok, shh, it's ok" She looked up, tears in her eyes "No it's not, that poor mother she just had a baby, it should be the happiest time of her life and she has to spend it worrying about her cancer" Bosco didn't know what to say to this. Dr. Wills, Cruz's doctor came out, "Ms. Cruz, you can come in now"

Cruz stood up, wiping tears away quickly and let Bosco lead her into the room. They followed the doctor to a hospital room and he told Cruz to change into a hospital gown. When she had gotten settled into the bed Dr. Wills began to explain the process to her. "What are the side effects?" Cruz asked bluntly. The Dr. nodded "You could get a rash or lose your hair. You'll be very fatigued and nauseous; sometimes vomiting accompanies the nausea especially the first dose. You could also get sores in your mouth but they will be the least of the problems. We're going to start you on an intravenous line, since it's your first time and keep you overnight, but then we'll set you up with a portable intravenous line"

Cruz nodded "Will I be sharing a room with someone tonight?" The doctor nodded "Her name's Amy, she's gone through a lot more chemo than you have, I think you two may be able to talk a bit, she can help you."

The doctor left to get the intravenous line. Cruz looked up at Bosco "Thanks for coming with me" Bosco nodded, he was overwhelmed.

The doctor came back and hooked it up then left a bowl at the side of Cruz's bed. When she asked what it was for he said "Like I said, you'll be extremely nauseous and weak, it'll be easier for you to use that to be sick instead of running to the bathroom. Nurses will be coming in periodically to check you, you can call if you need one" he pointed out the buzzer on the side of the bed then left. Cruz laid back against the pillow and waited for the drugs to take effect.

Bosco left to go to work About a half hour later Amy came in. Cruz remembered her, she was the mother from the waiting room.

"Hi" Amy said gently "You're new here" Cruz nodded "I just found out I have leukemia, well, I didn't just find out, I just started taking treatment." Amy nodded in understanding "I saw you earlier in the waiting room" Cruz nodded "I saw you too" Cruz turned a bit as the memory of Amy with her children and husband came back "You have beautiful children, what are their names?" Amy beamed "The baby's name is Miranda Anne and the two year old it Tyler Jeremy"

A tear slipped down Cruz's cheek again, Amy noticed and smiled sympathetically. Cruz shook her head "I don't understand how you can be so happy, you have two gorgeous kids and a wonderful husband but you have cancer"

Amy nodded "They're the reason I am happy, without them…" she broke off "I saw you with a man, is he your husband?" Cruz shook her head "No, that's Bosco, we went out for a while but then it didn't work out. He found out about the leukemia and said he didn't want me to be alone." "Wow, that doesn't sound like someone that it didn't work out with. Not many men would stick around just for someone they know, this is almost as hard on them as it is on us"

Later that night Bosco came back. It was midnight and Cruz was already asleep, but Bosco could tell from the deep circles under her eyes and her weak posture that the drugs had indeed taken full effect.

He stepped outside and went to talk to the doctor "Dr. Wills, how is she doing?" "As well as can be expected, we should have started chemo earlier. The chemo is hard on her though. Her body is very small and it's harder for her to handle it than for others. She was very sick tonight and will be for the next while, I'd like to keep her for tomorrow as well to make sure she doesn't get de hydrated."

Bosco nodded and went back into Cruz's room. He sat beside her and fell asleep in the chair holding her hand firmly in his.


	2. Sick

Disclaimer : still do not own anything.

Chapter 2: Sick

Cruz opened her eyes and felt Bosco's hand on hers. Suddenly overwhelmed with nausea, she grabbed the bowl and heaved whatever had been left in her stomach into it. Bosco woke to the sounds of her retching and sat up. He gently pulled her hair back and rubbed her back in gentle circles. Her tense muscles relaxed slightly under his touch, her neck muscles ached from being tensed, throwing up. She finished and collapsed heavily against the bed. Her face was sweaty and her hands trembled, she felt as though her energy had been drained out of her, she could barely see straight. Her throat burned from being sick so many and already she wanted to give up, it wasn't like her but she had never been through something so painful before. "Bosco" she croaked weakly "I don't want to do this, make them stop" Bosco felt as though his heart had been ripped out "I can't Cruz, I can't let them take away your life, and without this that's what we'll be doing" A tear slipped down Cruz's face "Do you really think I want to live like this? In this hell hole?" Bosco shook his head "The doctor said it will get easier, you just have to trust him. Just try and get through this first round then we can go home" Cruz nodded in agreement "I'm cold" she said. Bosco grabbed her the extra blanket on her bed and tucked it tightly around her "Thank you" He nodded, trying to keep his emotions at bay.

That afternoon when Bosco left for work Amy came back over to sit with Cruz. "He is telling the truth, it does get easier, it's still painful but the first session is always the worst. Another thing, always get someone to be there when you're being sick, just get someone to help you. If Bosco's not here ask me or one of the nurses to stay with you. It's just too hard to do this alone. When I first started chemo another woman gave me that advice and it really does work, she stayed with me when my husband couldn't be there." Cruz smiled faintly "Thanks Amy, I'm really glad to be staying with you, you know you really helped me." Amy smiled back "I'm glad to be able to help you." It was amazing, this woman was at least 2 years younger than her, but Cruz felt so mothered with her, she felt so safe. "Amy, how long have you had cancer?" Amy smiled ruefully "Just going on three years" Cruz's heart dropped, this poor woman had suffered three years. Cruz turned over in her bed and quietly said "Amy, I think I'd like to be alone for a while if you don't mind" Amy nodded and Cruz let the pillow slowly soak up her tears.

Bosco gripped the steering wheel firmly in front of him, listening to Faith blabber on about something Charlie had done when he was with his father. "Bosco? Hello, are you listening?" Bosco didn't reply, he couldn't. Faith continued "Anyways so then I was like you can't go out with her she's a slut like Cruz" Bosco slammed the brakes "Don't you ever say that about her again!" he shouted. Faith withdrew slowly "What is wrong with you today?" She asked. Bosco stared at her hard before saying "None of your damn business" "No Bosco, it is my business, people just don't change, you hate Cruz" Bosco shook his head "You know, maybe you should just give her a break, people go through hard times." Faith's interest was piqued "Come on Bosco what's going on?" "No" Bosco said as he started the car up again and drove to the station.

Cruz shivered underneath the blanket, she wanted to go home, she wanted to sleep, she wanted Bosco. She wiped away the tears furiously, she had cried so much over the past two days. She heard footsteps in the door and looked up "Bosco" she cried with relief. He smiled and walked over beside her bed "Hey, how are you feeling?" "A bit better I guess" He nodded "That's good, look Cruz, I don't want to make you uncomfortable by staying here, you made it clear that you didn't want me to see you like this." He got up to walk away and Cruz almost started to cry again "No Bosco, don't go." He looked back, hope showing in his eyes "No, I want you here, I want you to stay with me" He nodded, a look of relief on his face and settled down next to her. He would never leave her again he promised himself, never.


	3. Home

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

Thanks so much to all of my reviewers!

Chapter 3: Home

_It's 2 weeks later; Cruz can finally go home and has been set up with a portable chemo treatment. She won't be going back to work until the chemo is done and even then it's dangerous._

Cruz pulled her blanket tighter around her. It was 30 degrees inside but she was still cold. "Bosco, thanks for driving me home" Bosco nodded "No problem, you sure you don't need anything?" "Actually, could you grab me a glass of water please?" Bosco went into her kitchen and grabbed it for her. She took it gratefully when he returned "Thanks" Bosco gently pushed her hair back "You're sure you're ok?" Cruz nodded "Just tired" She let her head fall back against her pillow _I'm so glad to be home_ she thought to herself. Bosco hated to leave her but he had to go to work. "Cruz, I have my cell phone on if you need anything ok?" She nodded, wishing he wouldn't treat her like this; it made her feel so childish. He turned and flicked the lights out as he left. She rolled over in her bed and tried to sleep. Her skin burned from being in bed for so long but she didn't have the strength to get up. She closed her eyes and fell into a fitful sleep.

Bosco anxiously fingered his cell phone, he wanted her to call, he wanted to know that she was alright. Faith turned to look at him again. "Bosco, please, tell me what's going on" He stared at her for a while then said "Fine, look Faith, Cruz has leukemia. I went to her appointments with her I just don't want her to be alone." Faith looked as though someone had slammed her over the head with a brick, which Bosco thought might be a good idea after what she had said about Cruz. "Bosco…I didn't know" Bosco nodded "Well, maybe you should think before you open your mouth to insult her again" Faith was dumbstruck and Bosco was proud, he had stood up for Cruz and he knew he had done the right thing…for once.

Cruz gently felt her throat, it was constricted and swollen. Her throat was tight, making it hard to swallow. _I need a drink_; she gently pushed herself up out of bed and swung her legs over the bed. So far, so good. She grabbed her glass and went into the kitchen. Her head pounded so she grabbed some aspirin and made her way to the living room. The doctor had told her to drink a lot to make sure she didn't get de hydrated from being sick. She flicked on Oprah and sat down to relax.

Bosco finished work right at 11:00 and hurried back to Cruz's apartment. He was slightly worried, she hadn't called him for anything. He unlocked the door with the key Cruz had given him and pushed open the door. Cruz was sprawled on the couch, sleeping. Bosco smiled sympathetically but it hurt him to see her like this, she was so weak. She hadn't done anything all day and here she was asleep again. He gently lifted her in his arms and carried her back to her bedroom.

He could feel her ribs through her t shirt_ I have to get her to eat something, she must have lost 10 pounds_ As he carried her Cruz shifted and opened her eyes "Hey" she said softly. He smiled gently "How you feeling?" She shrugged as he set her down on the bed "Tired" "Cruz, you need to eat something, you're losing weight" Cruz nodded "I know, but I'm just to tired and anyways whatever I eat won't stay down for long." Bosco sat down beside her and helped her lie down. He wasn't going to force her to do anything, not while she was like this.

(A/N) Nothing really happened in this chap but I promise the next one will be better!


	4. Bad News

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 4: Bad News

Cruz smiled lightly at her reflection, the blue circles under her eyes were gone, her hair was shiny and she had even begun to gain a bit of weight back.

It had been two weeks since the first chemo treatment had ended but Cruz's smile quickly faded away as she thought about today. It was the day she went to make sure that the cancer was being affected by the chemo.

Bosco stepped in beside her and took her hand. He had taken to staying overnight at her apartment, making sure she didn't need anything, spending time with her and holding her while she cried. She gripped his arm tightly, possessively. She still felt exhausted most days, but she had managed to drag herself to work for the a few days. Today however, she had the day off, as did Bosco.

"Bosco, I'm scared" Once again she had taken him by surprise, he wasn't used to her expressing this much emotion, but as the chemo had progressed they had become very close. He gently smoothed her hair back and kissed her on the forehead "Hey, it's ok, I'll be there for you ok?" She nodded and ran her hands around his body, she would never tire of the feeling she got in his arms. "How are you feeling today?" he asked gently. Cruz shrugged slightly "My body hurts and I have a headache, I'm exhausted." Bosco closed his eyes, he hoped that these were just after effects of the chemo but it didn't sound like it. He pulled her tighter to himself, breathing in the flowery fragrance of her hair and taking in everything about her, he couldn't lose her; he wouldn't let this disease take her away.

Cruz got out of the car and waited for Bosco. He took her hand gently and kissed her on the temple "It'll be fine"

Cruz nodded and followed him into the cancer ward. They only had to wait for a few minutes before a nurse came out and invited them into an exam room. Bosco noticed that as Cruz sat there, there was a faint look of hope on her face, maybe the chemo had worked, and maybe the cancer was almost gone.

But as the doctor walked in the expression was lost and her face dropped, she refused to look at anyone "It didn't work did it?" she asked, her voice soft and hushed, no more than a whisper.

The doctor shook his head "I'm sorry, the cancer has progressed, it's your entire blood stream." Cruz hid her face but Bosco thought he heard a choked sob come from her chest.

He sat closer to her and put his arm around her. She pushed herself into his embrace and let him comfort her. Bosco looked up at the doctor "What else can we do?"

The doctor shook his head almost undetectably and said "We can try another round of chemo or..." Cruz cut him off abruptly "No, I'm not doing chemo again, not if it's not going to help me"

The doctor continued "Ok, or we can do a bone marrow transplant." "What's that?" Cruz asked, still not looking at the doctor's face. "We would take bone marrow from someone with the same blood type and bone marrow type as you, take some of yours out and replace it with the new bone marrow. This will just raise your immunity and help get rid of cancer cells"

Cruz nodded "How do we do it?" "First we need to find a match, do you have any relatives" Cruz suddenly went stiff "No" The doctor looked up in surprise "No one? An Aunt or Uncle?" "No" Cruz's voice was hard and concealing.

"Ok, then we put you on a nation wide search for anyone that is willing to donate." Bosco felt the hope in Cruz drain away, her shoulders dropped and her hands twisted in her lap

"How long could that take?" She asked "It all depends, we never really know" Cruz nodded again, not saying anything and the doctor changed the subject.

"How have you been feeling lately?" Cruz finally glanced up "Not good, I'm exhausted, headachy and most of the time I just hurt everywhere. I feel nauseous and distracted all the time."

The doctor nodded "That is to be expected, if the cancer's still there you're going to feel progressively worse. I don't know how long you'll be able to keep up at work but keep going if you feel up to it. I'm going to put you up on the list for a marrow transplant. Now, make sure to call me if anything at all is bothering you and try to stay away from anyone with a cold or the flu, even a little thing like that could be the death of you."

Cruz grimaced slightly and stood up as the doctor continued "I just wan to tell you again how sorry I am about the chemo, I truly thought it would work" Cruz looked up "I know, thank you" She sighed and took Bosco's hand again as they left the hospital.

As soon as they got home all of the emotions came pouring out. Cruz fell onto her bed and buried her face in a pillow "It's not fair Bosco, it's just not fair!" He sat down beside her gently rubbing her back to try and soothe her.

"I know," he murmured. Her shoulders wracked with sobs and her clean complexion became blotchy and red as the tears poured off her cheeks. She clung to him, as if he was the last thing in her life worth living for and he bent down to kiss her "I love you Maritza"

(A/N) Awww their first I love you, hope you liked it!


	5. Losing Battle

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 5: Losing battle

Cruz woke up with a weight on her chest. When she tried to breathe it hurt, a lot. She took a deep breath and broke out coughing. Her body wracked with shuddering coughs and she fell limp against the pillow.

Bosco woke suddenly, hearing her sharp, painful coughs. He rolled over in their bed and saw her on her side, her back flinching with every breath. She broke into another coughing fit and he st up next to her, rubbing her back, trying to loosen her cough.

"You ok?" he asked gently.

She shook her head briefly, covering her mouth with her hand as she coughed. When she pulled her hand away from her mouth she froze.

"Bosco" she croaked "Blood, I'm coughing up blood!"

Her hand was covered in thick, sticky blood. She wiped her mouth with her hand and pulled it away, gleaming red. Bosco stared in shock as she attempted to wipe the blood away.

"Ritza, I'm calling your doctor"

She nodded, her tears now mingling with the red stains. The doctor answered on the first ring.

"Hello, Dr. Wills"

Bosco's voice shook as he answered "It's Maritza, she's coughing up blood" The doctor tried to remain calm, but Bosco could hear a hard edge in his voice

"Bring her in now"

Bosco nodded before realizing the doctor couldn't see him "Ok I will, bye"

He hung up quickly and went back to see Cruz. She was in the bathroom, trying to stop the bleeding, but coughing uncontrollably. He held back the tears that threatened to brim over, this wasn't a good sign.

He gently held her around her stomach "Ritza, honey, Dr. Wills wants me to bring you to the hospital"

She nodded and grabbed a towel, wiping her mouth off then following him out the door. She obviously didn't care she was still in a t shirt and pajama pants.

When they got to the hospital the towel was deep crimson, stained with Cruz's blood and Bosco's stomach lurched.

"Ritza?" he said gently.

She had her eyes closed with the towel clutched to her chin. "Yeah?" she said in a whisper, her throat ached, it felt raw.

"Are you ok to walk in?" She nodded and he helped her slowly into the hospital.

The doctor grimaced when he saw the blood stained towel "That bad?"

Cruz nodded "I can't stop coughing and when I do, more blood comes up"

He ushered her and Bosco up into a hospital room.

"The first thing we need to do is stop the bleeding, there really isn't much we can do, it should stop within the next half hour, if not we may have to do surgery. You could have torn something but I doubt it, it's more likely because of the cancer something infected your lungs causing the blood. I want to take a throat swab though, if this is an infection, we need to do something fast, you simply aren't strong enough to handle and infection now."

Cruz nodded and changed into a hospital gown. When she had settled into the bed the doctor came back and did a throat swab

"I'll go run this and see what we have here."

After the doctor left, a sob cut through Cruz's throat and she leaned back on the pillow "Bosco, why is this happening?"

Bosco couldn't answer that "I don't know Ritza, I don't know."

The doctor came back 10 minutes later, a grim look on his face "It's worse than we expected. Somehow you've contracted pneumonia. Your lungs are failing, the blood should stop soon, but your lungs are filling up with fluid. We need to start you on antibiotics now; this is possibly the worst case scenario."

Cruz couldn't hold the tears back this time, she let them go, pouring over her face, gasping for air as she sobbed and Bosco sat helplessly in the chair beside her, he was losing her.


	6. You and Me

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 6:You and Me

A song he had heard in the morning ran through his head as he looked at her gorgeous features.

_**what day is it  
and in what month  
this clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up  
and I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time**_

Bosco gazed at Cruz, she wasn't doing much better and Bosco could see it in her eyes everytime she looked at him, she was hurting. She was hurting a lot. He felt so helpless, there was nothing he could do, the disease was eating away at her, picking her off slowly.**__**

cause it's you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to lose  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

He admired her, she was so strong, so solid and yet so beautiful and unattainable. She was sick, she wasn't getting better but he would be here for it all, the sickness and tears, he would be there.**__**

all of the things that I want to say  
just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping inwards  
you got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here

A tear slipped down his cheek, a pathway for his sorrow. She was asleep, finally. Her face burned red, she was hot with a fever. The pneumonia was flaring in her red cheeks and her deep, croaking breaths.**__**

cause it's you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to prove  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

He gently traced a finger down her chest, running it over her smooth curves, then over her firm stomach. He brought his rough fingers to her hair. He loved this woman so much.**__**

there's something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
everything she does is beautiful  
everything she does is right

Everything she did was right, perfect, fluid. Her neck was sticky with sweat but she had never looked so beautiful. Her cheeks were bright and everything about her was tiny and delicate.**__**

you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to lose  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

He gently held her hand, something so delicate and fragile it seemed like it could break in his palm. It's warmth spread through his body like wildfire, warming him, calming him.**__**

you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to prove  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

The tears came quickly now, leaving damp spots on the sterile gown. He had messed up, badly. He had left her alone for so long, when she had needed him the most, but now he was back and nothing could make him leave.**__**

what day is it  
and in what month  
this clock never seemed so alive

He leaned over her gently taking everything about her in. Her full lips, her long chocolate hair, her lashes sweeping her cheeks gently. Her cherry red cheeks, her mocha coloured skin, her soft curves he longed for so much. He took it all in as her blue ocean eyes opened and he kissed her, her lips accepting as he was, loving him, comforting him "I love you Ritza, more than life itself"

_You and me by lifehouse_


	7. I belong

Chapter 7: I belong

Cruz coughed, waking herself up. At least the bleeding had stopped, but it hurt to breathe, to move. She glanced at Bosco who was sleeping in the chair, she loved him so much.

_**I woke up this morning  
Now I understand  
What it means to give your life  
To just one man  
Afraid of feeling nothing  
No bees or butterflies   
My head is full of voices  
And my house is full of lies **_

Cruz gently touched his hand; she remembered last night briefly, she saw his warm eyes staring at her tenderly. She could feel his soft lips on hers, pressing gently. She could taste his sweet lips, warm and tender and she sighed. This would never happen.

_**  
This is home, home  
And this is home, home  
This is home **_

She thought back to how he had treated her and nearly changed her mind. He had said he loved her, maybe he really did, maybe he didn't.**__**

I found your standing there  
When I was seventeen  
Now I'm thirty-two  
And I can't remember what I'd seen in you  
I made a promise  
Said it everyday  
Now I'm reading romance novels  
And I'm dreaming of yesterday  


Cruz nodded in decision, she loved him, she knew she always had, she had acted stubborn to hide her feelings and it had worked, but in the past few days he couldn't have been putting it on.**__**

I'd like to see the Riviera  
And slowdance underneath the stars  
I'd like to watch the sun come up  
In a stranger's arms

He had been there for her, he had stayed in her bed, he had been there for her through chemo and then when the bleeding had started he had been levelheaded, he had helped her stay calm. And then last night, he had said I love you.**__**

I'm going crazy  
A little at a time  
And everything I wanted  
Is now driving me away  
I woke this morning  
To the sound of beating hearts  
Mine is full of questions  
And it's tearing yours apart...

She wrapped her small hand around his thick strong one and kissed his finger gently, this was were she belonged, with Bosco.

_**Sheryl Crow: Home**_

(A/N) Just wanted to get some feelings out, if it took away from the story tell me and I'll delete them.


	8. Downhill

Disclaimer I own nothing

Chapter 8: Downhill

_The pneumonia is gone but Cruz is still very, very sick with cancer, none of the medication is helping and no donors have come forward yet._

Tears slid down Cruz's face burning her cheeks. Her face blazed red with fever but she shivered underneath the heavy covers.

A nurse came regularly to check her temperature and on last check it had been 104.6.

Bosco sat beside her in a chair, he was exhausted, last night had been a rough night and he'd stayed awake not wanting to leave Cruz alone.

She looked terrible, she only weighed 100 pounds. Her skin was pasty and pale and her hair was thin. She was shaky and except for her cheeks she was almost colorless.

Cruz leaned over; coughing harshly and Bosco's heart lurched as he watched her suffer. Even being this sick she still looked beautiful to him.

The doctor came up behind him and gently touched his shoulder "Can I speak to you for a minute?"

Bosco nodded assuring Cruz he would be back soon and followed the doctor out into the hall.

"Mr. Boscorelli, I'd like to move Ms. Cruz into a palliative care unit"

Bosco's head wasn't clear enough to catch on "Why?"

The doctor sighed "Mr. Boscorelli, I think we're into the last week"

Bosco's heart fell to his knees and he turned slamming his fist into the wall

"Damn it! It's not fair, what did she do to deserve this!" He slumped down to the floor sobbing

"Fine," he said softly "Move her"

He stayed against the wall until the doctor had left. He slowly pushed himself up and walked into Cruz's room. When she saw him she turned her head away, the tears gathering in her eyes

"I know Bosco, I'm sorry"

He sat down on her bed and took her hands "Maritza, don't apologize none of this is your fault." She sat up and put her arms around him

"I love you Bosco" He turned, burying his head in her hair, breathing it in, capturing her scent. Letting his tears fall he knew she was crying. He could feel her tears running over his shoulder.

When he let go of her the doctor came in "Ms. Cruz, we're ready to move you. We've found a private room."

Cruz swallowed hard and leaned back in the bed "I'm ready"

They wheeled her down the hall into the palliative care unit and into her new room. It was nicer then her last one had been. She figured they tried to make it nicer here.

When the doctor left Bosco came and sat next to her. Her eyes were half closed "Bosco, I'm so tired" Bosco rubbed his hand on her cheek

"It's ok, go to sleep" he said. But as her eyes closed his heart leaped _Just don't forget to wake back up._

(A/N) well this chap was very sad for me to write anyways just so you know palliative care unit is where you go when you're in the process of dying.


	9. I Grieve

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 9: I Grieve

Cruz's eyelashes fluttered as she opened her eyes. Her chest was heavy and her body was weak.

She saw Bosco next to her and she touched his arm lightly.

"Bosco" she whispered "We need to talk" He nodded. Her eyes closed in exhaustion.

She could feel herself draining away.

"Bosco, it won't be long now, I can feel it. I just can't do this anymore"

He nodded again though his eyes burned with tears "Bosco, I love you, so, so much. I just want you to know that.

Bosco when I'm gone I want you to go to my room. Underneath the bed is a box, it's white, it has your name on it. Open it, but not until I'm gone."

His voice was barely a whisper "Ok, I will"

Her eyes filled with tears "I'm sorry Bosco, I just don't want to be here anymore, it hurts too much. I don't want you to suffer because of me, promise me you won't"

"I promise"

Tears poured down her cheeks "Bosco, I can't do this"

He hugged her whispering in her ear "It's ok, if you can't do this you go, go somewhere where you won't suffer anymore"

She held him tight "Thank you"

Bosco nodded but everything in his body screamed _Don't leave me!_ But he knew she would, he could see it too, she just couldn't hold on.

He held her for a long time before letting her fall back against the pillows. Her eyes were barely open and her breathing was raspy.

She shivered and she turned to Bosco "I love you Maurice Boscorelli" she said. He let a lone tear slip down his face "I love you too Maritza Cruz." She smiled softly, her face kind and loving.Her eyes slowly closed and he saw her slip away. He didn't hear the wailing heart monitor or see the bustling doctors. He saw his Maritza, now fading forever, gone.

_Later that day_

He sat beside her, what was left of her. The tubes were gone, the IV was gone, but it wasn't her. He held her hand gently as if wishing her back to life, but it wouldn't work, she was gone. Her body was the shell of what was left, it wasn't his Ritza. Her spark was gone, the twinkle in her brown eyes was gone, the spring in her step, the brightness of her smile. It was gone, all gone, taken away from him, gone forever.

_That night_

He left hours later and he went to her apartment again. Tears poured down his face as he entered the bedroom. The place where they had made love for the first time, where they had spent the good times and the bad.

_**It was only one hour ago -  
It was all so different then.  
Nothing yet has really sunk in  
Looks like it always did  
This flesh and bone.  
It's just the way that we are tied in  
But there's no one home.  
**_

Bosco sat on the bed and grabbed her pillow, drawing it close he breathed in deeply, her perfume was all over it and just smelling her scent broke him down again. His tears soaked the pillow but he held on to it.

_**I grieve ... for you  
You leave ... me **_

He didn't know how he was going to make it, she had kept him alive, she was so strong. But he had promised her, he had promised he would at least try.****

So hard to move on  
Still loving what's gone.  
Still, life carries on  
Caries on and on and on and on

As he sat on the bed with her pillow in his hands he remembered the box under the bed. As he remembered he realized he wasn't ready to open yet. Not yet, he wasn't ready to let he go yet, and by opening the box that's what he would be doing. Accepting she was gone.****

The news that truly shocks  
Is the empty, empty page.  
While the final rattle rocks  
Its empty, empty cage.  
And I can't handle this ---

He felt like someone had ripped his heart out and thrown it on the floor, he couldn't do this. He just sat there, until he realized the truth. The cancer had taken her, she was gone, and she would never, ever come back. He was too exhausted to cry anymore but he knew what he needed to do, he needed to open the box.****

I grieve... For you

**_You leave... Me _**

He bent down beside the bed and lifted the sham. He saw the box lying alone in the middle of the floor and he reached out to it gently, pulling it from underneath the bed. H stared at it, it was white, with his name written in Cruz's flourishing letters on it. He traced his fingers over the script, trying to imagine her writing his name.****

Let it out and move on  
Missing what's gone.  
Still, life carries on  
Still, life carries on and on and on

He sat back on the bed and pulled it into his lap, just staring at it. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers around the edges. She was gone forever but what was in this box would keep him connected to her.

_**Did I dream this belief  
Or did I believe this dream?  
Now I will find relief**_

He gently lifted the lid off and peered inside his heart torn into pieces by her death.****

I grieve ...

_**Peter Gabriel "I Grieve"**_

(A/N) If there is any way for you to get the song, get it! Listen to it during the chapter it fits so well:'(


	10. Dear Bosco

Chapter 10: Dear Bosco

As Bosco opened the box he saw a folded piece of paper on top of two wrapped packages. He went for the paper and unfold it slowly, carefully. There were tear marks on the page, she had been crying while she had written this. He pulled himself together and began to read.

_Dear Bosco_

_If you're reading this it's because I've left. I've moved on, passed away and I'm sorry. I'm sorry to have left you alone, but I couldn't stay here and I'm glad you didn't bring me back. I love you so much, Thank you for staying with me while I was sick. I can't even describe how good it made me feel that I had someone there to comfort me, who cared enough to stay. Just a warning, there's something very important in this letter, at the end, if you don't want to know about it don't read it, but I thought it important to tell you if I was gone._

_Bosco I want to thank you for coming to my rescue, for forgetting our past problems and trying to save me. I want you to know I never blamed you for anything and the stubbornness I showed you was just a defense, a defense to prevent my real emotions from showing through. I loved you so much Bosco, seeing you at work nearly killed me because I knew I couldn't have you. Then when you got shot that day at the hospital, It was the day after I had found out I had leukemia. I was barely holding on, but when you got shot I knew somehow I needed to pull through, to make sure you would. I loved you so much!_

_Bosco I want to tell you to never give up, don't you dare throw your life away for me. You're fine, please, please go on with your life. Don't forget me but don't linger on my death. I couldn't bare to know that our love killed your life. Please promise me you'll try to move on. I will miss you, I'll always remember you._

_Bosco, this is the important detail. I need to tell you something. I couldn't die knowing that you would never know. That night when we slept together for the last time, I got pregnant. I was thrilled, I was ready to tell you then Mikey died. Your love turned to hate and I knew I couldn't tell you, not like this. Now I was torn, I loved this baby but your hatred was with it. I brushed it off and kept the baby. It was amazing to see my stomach swell slightly as the baby grew. I would stand in front of the mirror every day watching for him or her. Then one day at work I was partnered with Monroe. We went out like a normal day but during rounds I started to cramp, a lot. I told Monroe and she told me I should go home or talk to the doctor, she knew I was pregnant. I talked to Lieu and he sent me home, but he didn't know I was pregnant. The cramps were unbearable and they forced me into the bathroom and I discovered the truth. I had lost the baby, it came out so suddenly and a piece of me was torn away. I stayed there a long time, just crying and thinking. I was 4 months and I hadn't told you. I never did. I came so close to it when you came back to me but I couldn't, I didn't want to ruin the love we had formed again. I enclosed something in the package for you from the baby. I want you to have it._

_Bosco I love you, so much. I just want you to know I'll never leave, I'll be watching over you. I know Bosco, I know you loved me; I could see it in your eyes and thank you, thank you so much. _

_My love forever,_

_Maritza_

Bosco was knocked speechless. _NO! no she wasn't pregnant_. He pushed his hair back anxiously; he had had the chance to be a dad. He thought back and realized she had seemed a bit happier, a bit plumper a while ago; it must have been the baby.

He wanted to see what she had left for him so he pulled back the tissue paper to reveal a large book. It read _Maurice Boscorelli and Maritza Cruz, through the years._ It was a scrap book; it had a blown up picture of Bosco holding Cruz and her laughing hysterically to something he had said. They were on a beach and Bosco remembered the day clearly. They had gone to the beach and asked some stranger to take a picture, and then Bosco had attempted to say something in Spanish to Cruz. He had obviously said it wrong and she had laughed ecstatically. The picture was framed with their names and little quotes. He opened the book and inside was a little note

_I made this for you in the hospital; it has all of our memories in it._

Bosco took a deep breath, he had to get through this. He took time looking at each page, their vacations, their work, everything. She had put little souvenirs on each page, movie tickets, a bracelet, little things that he had never known she would keep

. As he flipped to the last page a sob caught in his throat. It was an ultrasound picture. There in black and white was his baby. It was maybe the size of a peanut. He stared hard at the picture, it was definitely a baby. He traced his finger gently over the outline of the baby's body, his other hand covering his mouth. It was so clear, so precise. A ribbon fluttered over the picture and Cruz had printed Baby Boscorelli-Cruz above it. The tears finally fell, she had put his name to, and she had recognized it as his baby. He sat a long time, just staring at his baby then looking at all of the pictures in the book.

He finally pulled the last package out it was a small box and he lifted the lid gently. Inside the first thing he saw was a small stick, as he pulled it out he realized what it was, it was Cruz's positive pregnancy test. He held it for a moment then placed it gently on top of the book. The last thing in the box was a bottle of perfume, Cruz's perfume. She knew he loved it and she left it with him so he could remember her smell, her taste, everything.

He sighed dejectedly as he looked at the items on the bed. Finally he pulled something out of his pocket and laid it on the bed. A small, black velvet box, something that would have been the rest of his life. He opened it slowly and looked at the beautiful ring inside then laid down on the bed. It was finally the right time to cry.

(A/N) we are not done yet 1 more chapter to go!


	11. Funeral

Disclaimer: I don't own third watch

Chapter 11: Funeral

Bosco tightened his tie. He had only worn one once before, to Mikey's funeral. He clutched a single white rose in his palm, a sign of purity.

He finally climbed out of the car. The rest of the precinct was here. Their faces turned to looks of sympathy and sadness as he passed, but he paid no attention to them.

He walked right to the front of the church, where Cruz's body had been laid out and sat down in the first row.

His eyes were red and puffy from crying by the time the funeral was over. When all the other guests left the room he stayed behind for a moment before they went to the graveyard.

He walked up beside her casket and stared down at her; she looked perfect, almost alive. He pulled something out of his pocket, a picture of them together and slipped it into her pocket.

His hand gently touched her cold skin and he pulled it away, he didn't want to feel her right now. He pulled his hand back and whispered "I'll never forget you Maritza" before leaving the room.

He watched as they placed her casket in the ground then gently he went and put the white rose on top of it.

This was it, it was finally the end. As the service finished he turned to walk away.

Davis stopped him gently "Hey, look man, I'm really sorry, you want to go out for a drink or something?"

Bosco shook his head slightly "No thanks Davis, I'm not really in the mood" Davis nodded in understanding and Bosco left, all alone, for the first time in his life.

He tried to live his life normally but nothing was the same. He visited her grave every day, talking to her, trying to bring her back.

He would bring her flowers every day and finally be brought something even more important, a small tombstone for their baby.

It read "Baby Boscorelli- Cruz, _You never got to see the world but we love you_" it was placed right next to Cruz's tombstone even though there was no body.

As he sat next to it one day he saw a woman crying next to him so he went over

"Hey are you ok?" he asked gently. She glanced up, surprised at being disturbed

"Yeah, I guess so… I lost my husband just a while ago. Car accident."

Bosco sat down next to her "I lost my girlfriend, cancer"

The woman nodded "Hi, I'm Tammy, Tammy Reynolds"

Bosco smiled lightly "Maurice Boscorelli" They sat a while, Bosco thinking the whole time, maybe it was time to move on, Cruz had made him promise and he wasn't about to break it

"Tammy, do you want to go grab a coffee or something?" She thought a moment before answering "Coffee would be great" Bosco helped her to her feet and led her to his car. If anything he could at least use a friend.

(A/N) Ok, I know I said one more chap and it's over but I'm writing an epilogue so stay tuned!


	12. Epilogue

Epilogue

5 years later

Bosco ran his fingers over the word engraved on the tombstone, for what had to be the thousandth time. _Maritza Cruz, Taken from the world but here with me forever 1973- 2005._

A tear slipped down his face and he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Tammy standing behind him. "Bosco, hun, you alright?"

He nodded standing up "Today she would have been thirty seven." Tammy nodded, she understood his need to remember Cruz, she needed to remember her late husband herself.

He took her hand, fingering the two rings on her ring finger before kissing her gently "Thank you for understanding"

She nodded and kissed him back "I may be understanding, but she won't be" He turned and saw his daughter running towards him. He grinned and scooped her up

"What's up Ritza?" He asked. She giggled and squirmed in his arms

"I's lonely" she said. Being just three she still couldn't talk very well.

She looked a lot like Tammy, Brown curls and her smile but she had his eyes. He kissed her on the forehead

"Well, we can't have that can we? Let's go get ice cream" Maritza squealed and Bosco took Tammy's hand.

With one last glance at the tombstone he turned and left. He had kept his promise to move one but she would never be forgotten, never.

The End

(A/N) Well I hope you liked it! Thanks to all of my reviewers, this was the best story I've ever written. Please don't be mad at me for letting him get married lol, I hope you don't think it ruined the story!


End file.
